drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
