if i can run in heels then i can drive
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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