watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
