My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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