I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize