you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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