I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
