Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
