Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
