the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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