do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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