he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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