i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
