I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
