dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
