is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
