I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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