I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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