i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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