ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize