Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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