Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Everything about him screamed your future.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
