His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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