Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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