so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
