I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize