So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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