I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
