Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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