I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
