i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
