i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
