butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
