fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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