So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
