took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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