I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
