i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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