I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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