The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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