That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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