Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
