She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
