How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
