I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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