Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
