The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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