Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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