problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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