I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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