And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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