I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
