Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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