i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
