My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
