Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
