I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
