why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
