I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
