Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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