3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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