i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
