I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
