Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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