Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize