Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
