I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize