Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
