just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i've created a new STD.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
