Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
