dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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