so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
