I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
True strength comes from lack of pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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