i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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