I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
