and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
