Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
