I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
