Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
