I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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