No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
