My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
