i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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