Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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