I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
