No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
