i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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