i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
