honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
