Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
