he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
