I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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